Unfortunate Movie Remake

Pat Morita is rolling over in his grave, but without further ado...

I wonder what Billy Zabka thinks about this, hmmm...

AHHHHHH SHIT!!!

Christmas Mishap - Who's At Fault?

One of my favorite parts of Christmas is actually going to pick out the tree. I've been going to the same place on Route 18 for the past 8 years and every year I seem to pick a spectacular tree. Now I have no idea what type of tree it is - Balsam Fir, Scottish Pine, etc...it doesn't matter. Just like a Jedi, I reach out with my feelings and BAM the tree presents itself. I also enjoy the haggling aspect of the whole experience. I know you put those color-coded ribbons on the trees, but I don't see numbers written on them. You say the "blues" are $40, I think they look more like $30...we settle on $35 and the kid gets a $5 tip (provided he gives it a fresh cut and straps it to the roof). Win-Win.

Everything that happens once that tree is strapped to the roof of the car is a complete pain in the tookus. You have to cut the twine off, get sap all over your hands, get the damn thing through the door, putting the tree in the stand and standing back every 2 seconds to make sure it's straight...it's all a nightmare. Saying that, I can complete understand the aggravation from this guy when he comes home and finds himself on candid camera. Instead of hoping for a "Funniest Home Videos" moment, why don't you clear the area a little, go get the tree-stand out of the basement, MAYBE move your precious vase so it doesn't get demolished???

What I don't get though it that the dude totally goes from all, "Get out da way bitch" to "I'm sorry...I didn't know...please don't beat me!" If that's how you're going to react in this situation, you might as well take off that Superbowl Champion Patriots jacket and put on a pink Red Sox hat. Man up and say what's really on your mind, "That vase was a piece of shit and I did the living-room a favor!" You can also totally tell by this woman's reaction that this is not the first time she's called her husband an "idiot", nor do I think it will be the last. Honestly, what's worse than your wife calling you an "idiot", and actually meaning it? So who's at fault? I'd say they both are - the wife for being a bipolar, fire hazard and the husband for forgetting his nuts at the alter when he married this broad.

All I Want For Christmas...

This morning I woke up and felt good. Really good! I know it's Monday, back to work, 5 days until the weekend...but it's also another day closer to Christmas. In years past, the kid in me has always had his heart set upon something. Some gadget, game or other novelty, and like all novelties they usually wore off. The PSP system was great! I could play on the train, at home, on the crapper, but eventually (like a month or two later) it was just boring. This year, without fail, brought the usual questions of what does Yours Truly WANT for Christmas? As far as I'm concerned, all that I want...I already have. In fact, Santa has already visited my house and here's the proof:
Could I sit here and provide a laundry list of do-dads that may or may not come in handy? Sure, but do I really NEED them? I can tell you that all that I NEED is with me all day, every day. In 11 days all that is going to matter is the excitement on my kids faces. I'm even looking forward to seeing The Mrs when she discovers that "Santa" hasn't forgotten her. WE decided not to buy each other gifts, but "Santa" never signed off on any cease-and-desist. Without opening one gift, I'll already have one of the greatest presents of all.

The other "gift" I've received early (don't be jealous...it's just I've been a better boy this year) is something I've looked forward to do for a long time. Ultimately my fascination comes from Best-Man speeches. I've been witness to a good handful, and I always felt that I could come up with a real kickass one. I suppose I've always just appreciated those choosen to be ushers, bridesmaids; members of the "wedding party". What greater honor to bestow upon a chum, right? There was a time when I had to choose 5 friends...FIVE...to help represent me at my wedding. In retrospect, I know that I chose wisely although it's easy to see how someone's circle of friends can change over 7 years...thankfully mine has only changed in addition rather than subtraction. I've been asked to be part of not one, but TWO weddings in 2010! Both grooms-to-be are currently card-carrying members of the Superfriends and their "better halves" are as well.

So lets see...I've got an awesome family, I've got awesome friends, I've got my health (finally), my jobs (notice the plural), and a partidge in a pear tree (we call him Birdie the bird). Currently, all things are coming up Millhouse and when you think about it, what more could you actually ask for? Merry Christmas and if you're feeling a little Bah Humbug, just remember these wise words from good-ole Clark Griswold:

I'm Back...From Outta Space!

I know, I know Mr. Nits, it has been far too long (20 days to be exact), but now I'm back in business. In my blogging absence, I've been working diligently on my latest and possibly greatest endeavour - my 15 year high school reunion. What? You didn't know I was a class officer? I wasn't...I couldn't even get a date to the prom! So how does yours truly go from just another face in the high school crowd to savior of the Thanksgiving reunion tradition? Easy...two kids lights a fire under your ass to seize ANY opportunity for a night out.

Despite my infinite confidence, planning an event of such magnitude felt a little much to take on solo. Thankfully, my partner Mr. Gill was more than willing and able to lend a hand. Together we forged a union I passionately refer to as...

That's actually not true...but it should be. So together Mr. Gill and I started the process of reaching out to as many Class of 1994 folk as possible. What better outlet than Facebook, right? The plan was foolproof until I realized that Facebook has some crazy anti-creepy-stalker-person security that basically put my account on lock down. The other stumbling block were the peeps who kept rejecting my "friend requests". Come on...we graduated together and even though we never spoke a syllable in high school, we're practically 4th cousins-twice removed.


Next on the agenda was the location. Since my crib's capacity is only about 7, we needed to find a larger venue. Enter Hajjar's which, unbeknownst to me, has a secret function hall that hold 250 people. How this fact eluded me for the past 12 years since I've been frequenting this establishment will forever be a mystery. Next, we needed some entertainment...besides the expected antics of some reunion attendees. Lucky for us, my favorite tattoo artist also moonlights as a DJ. The easier this reunion became to plan, the more confident Mr. Gill and I got. Why don't we call in some favors and get some prizes to raffle away? Boom...we got hooked up from Bruins tickets to Tennessee BBQ gift certificates (obviously!). How are we going to document all the shenanigans? Wham...Group Photo Booth (courtesy of my bro-in-law) that's how!


So in the span of about 20 days or so, we've created an event which will probably go down as the highlight of 2009. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if some celebrities tried to get past the velvet rope. So here we go, the reunion is three days from now and everything is on cruise control. Alls I's gots to do is bring it on Friday, and with my hot wife in tow that shouldn't be a problem. My only worry is alcohol-induced hooliganism and unfortunately The Mrs refuses to be Head of Security...a title I honestly thought she would embrace. So, my faith will reside in the Spirit of High School Reunions and everyone will have a wonderful time, drive home safe and dream about one of the best nights of their entire lives. Hey, THIS guy can dream, can't he???



DISCLAIMER:

Jim Nantz Has To Pay How Much???

CBS sportscaster Jim Nantz must pay $916,000 yearly in alimony and child support to his ex-wife and give up their Connecticut home under terms of a newly issued divorce decree. The ruling dissolves the 26-year marriage of Nantz and Ann-Lorraine “Lorrie’’ Carlsen Nantz. It comes after both testified about the breakdown of their marriage; Judge Howard Owens concluded neither was at fault. Although Nantz, 50, acknowledged he started dating a 29-year-old woman before the divorce was final, the judge concluded the marriage deteriorated years earlier and “this remote event in no way contributed to the breakdown of the marriage.’’ Under the ruling, Nantz must pay $72,000 in alimony monthly until he dies or his ex-wife remarries, and another $1,000 weekly in child support for the next two years. (Boston Globe)

So, let me get this straight...as long as "Lorrie" doesn't remarry or Nantz croaks, this chick is get $72,000 per month...for nothing, nada, sit-on-her-ass-zilch? She get paid more per month then I do per year...working two jobs! Don't give me the 26-years has got to be worth something argument either. I'm sure despite any marriage woes, she was living a pretty comfy lifestyle. You know damn straight she's not getting remarried either. That's like being a CEO for a Fortune 500 company only to quit to work at Friendly's because they have a better benefit package.

Man, if this isn't a lesson to all the rich celebrities out there. Either stay a swinging bachelor or make sure that pre-nup is concrete. Also Judge Owens has to stop bullshitting when he concluded neither were at fault. You make a dude shell out almost a mil per year to his ex...4-LIFE...that pretty much screams, "You Effed Up, Bro!"

Has Halloween Gone Too Far?

CLICK ON IMAGE ABOVE TO ENLARGE & READ

Now this is certainly bold. You can't say Halloween doesn't bring out the creativity in people...sick, but still creative. Well, this certainly goes to prove my point to The Mrs. that Halloween (to adults) is more than girls in slutty costumes. I mean, never would I have thought to reach out to the amputee community for a volunteer, to strap to my back as C-3PO, while I wore a Wookie costume. SURE, I thought of putting a helmet and shades on Junior, strapping him to my back and braking out the Gun Show as Master Blaster from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, but exploiting amputees might be going a tad too far.

What Is Wrong With Some Parents?

I've never claimed to be the perfect parent. Sure, I own and wear a t-shirt that states I'm the World's Best Dad, but that was back in 2006. Being a parent is the hardest, maddening and most rewarding job I've ever held. In 4 1/2 years, I hit the highs and lows when I comes to parenting. I've actually felt like the best dad ever and I've felt like a complete failure. I've openly threatened to ship my kids off to China and there are times when I couldn't be more proud of their accomplishments...no matter how small.

I've learned that there will be no greater teacher in my children's live than The Mrs. and I. That being said, I take it personally when The G, for example, shoves a pencil eraser way up her nose. It's my responsibility to train the kids how not to get themselves killed...seriously! Personally, I can't remember how invincible I probably thought I was at 4, but the fact of the matter is toddler muscle isn't immune to oncoming traffic.

All that said, I feel bad for a lot of children I read about in newspapers and unfortunately sometimes witness first-hand. I used to think to be a good parent, you should allow plenty of space to create individuality. Now, I think the biggest mistake we can make is by ignoring the unknown. First off, kids are sponges and they're sucking it all in. Second, the world is full of creeps. Lastly, shit happens. I'm not saying that I'm going to be up my kid's asses 24/7, but you can be damn sure The Mrs. and I will (to the best of our ability) be lurking, listening, inquiring, assisting and watching the safety and well-being our greatest gifts. We're going to make mistakes, but the point is minimizing the mistakes, learning from them and teaching how not repeat history. The G and Junior are our legacy and I certainly don't want them to someday muff up the same way we did.

Unfortunately, a lot of parents don't get that. Then you get videos like above. Where the hell do kids learn those moves? They were busting out stuff I'd be too scared to suggest to The Mrs. we replicate for there's a good chance I'd get a knuckle sandwich! Do you think ANY of these kids have ANY shot to grow up normally. Instead of worrying so much about swine flu or global warming, why not campaign to teach parents not to be so retarded? Maybe by not teaching our 7 year-olds that smacking that ass in an all out simulated gang-bang, some of our children can go onto discovering cures for cancer or reducing carbon emissions. I don't know...it's easy to watch this and say, "I'm not doing that bad of a job", but I also wonder which one of these delinquents are going to be the one to grow up and hurt one my kids, because they weren't taught right.

End Rant.

R.I.P. - Captain Lou Albano

If you were a red-blooded American boy growing up in the 80's, you were probably a fan of the WWF. As far as wrestling personalities go, Captain Lou was up there with the zaniest. The guy wore elastics all over his face and went on incredible rants that usually made Mean Gene scratch his bald melon. Aside from the WWF, Captain Lou could be found in movies, music videos and other mainstream media outlets, but who could forget Captain Lou's riviting portrayal as...

Largest Dead Snake Ever Found!

That's a BIG snake!

Who The Heck Is That???

I guarantee you know who this is, but you just don't think you do. It's okay, I didn't know who he was a first either and neither will you. What I can tell you is that he's the director of some new movie out called "Couples Retreat", but that's not how you know him. You know him SO well that I'm willing to bet that you see him every year...sometimes a couple times per year. Ready to find out who he is? Scroll down and have a look-see...











Keep Going

Holy crap, it's Ralphie from "A Christmas Story". Well what do you know? Apparently, he's Vince Vaughn's best friend since they were kids. I would have thought this dude would have milked all the Christmas Story royalties til he croaked. Ted Turner must be paying this kid millions since every Christmas this movie is all over his stations...some working 24/7! I guess he just got bored. Since we're talking about "A Christmas Story" and without being TOO politically incorrect, I've also included probably my favorite scene from this holiday classic...Enjoy!

Stupid Sexy Flanders!

Thankfully this week went by really fast and we're on the cusp of the weekend! Wait, I have to work tomorrow in the Fish Bowl and then after I have to work all night at Tennessee's...DAMN IT!!!

Tonight we have the baptism rehearsal for Junior. I don't really understand why we need to rehearse. Dunk the melon, couple "Our Fathers", and then crack some brews at the after-party. That reminds me, I have to figure out what I'm feeding people. I don't even know how many mouths I'm feeding. I could have swore there were RSVP-thingys on the invites. Maybe I'll just order pizza. No sense slaving over a culinary masterpiece if the only people there are my parents and the Superfriends; I mean they're not picky. Then again, I haven't put on a spread in a while...hmmmmm...

This is how effing bored I am! I'm mulling recipe options, work motivation is at -78, minding is wandering erratically...I'm in full blown ADHD mode! Well screw it because it's still Friday, and it's not ANY Friday...

VAN DAMME FRIDAY!!!

You can't believe your eyes, but it's really VAN DAMME FRIDAY!

Don't be afraid to cut a little rug, because it's VAN DAMME FRIDAY!

Not excited about VAN DAMME FRIDAY? Well, the muscles from Brussels has a little something for YOU!

I KNEW This Was Going To Happen

Bianca de la Garza and David Wade broadcast their split

News couple Bianca de la Garza and David Wade are calling it quits. The local morning anchors, who have been married for 12 years and work for competing stations - she’s with WCVB-TV (Channel 5), he’s with WBZ-TV (Channel 4) - confirmed the split yesterday through manager Mendes Napoli.

I used to watch these two interact with each other when they were both anchors on FOX 25 News. Wade was the hotshot co-anchor, while Bianca was the roving reporter. I could never figure out how these two were a couple. Hot chicks don't swoon over David Wade, but I think I've figured it out. As the story goes, both split from Fox and are now anchors on competing news shows. Some would theorize that this type of rivalry would easily tear a couple apart. There is another factor here that everyone is forgetting...The Maria Stephanos Factor!

Maria Stephanos was the OTHER co-anchor of Fox 25 News when both Wade and Bianca were with the station. For years I watched Maria and Wade canoodle with each other, which must have driven Bianca bananas with lust. Jealousy is like an aphrodisiac to chicks. Now Wade is co-anchors with Jack Williams and the marriage goes into the crapper. Coincidence? I don't think so...and don't give me any "Well, there's also Paula Ebben" backtalk. She tries the old too-much-makeup-cougar look, but she can't hold a candle to Maria Stephanos.

According to the report, a source says this wasn't Wade's idea and that he's all broken up...well DUH! Take it from a guy who married up, if The Mrs. ever calls it quits on me, your damn right I'm going to be sad. How would I ever find another girl who could put up with my shinanegans??? Not happening!

What Is More Scary???

Ms. Piggy and Kermit the Frog

OR...

Lady Gaga and Kermit the Frog!?!?

So Lady Gaga's date to the Video Music Awards (VMA's) was Kermit the Frog. Let me allow you to digest that for a second...Kermit...The...Frog. I'll tell you one thing, Ms. Piggy must be pissed! I saw Kermit and Piggy get married on "The Muppets Take Manhattan", and now here's Kermit, out and about with Lady Gaga? How did TMZ not catch wind of this? Kermit and Piggy must have been having some marital issues to lead to this; maybe some domestic disputes? Well, I for one think this is a bigger travesty then Jon and Kate Gosselin, and I demand that Kermit take responsibility for his actions...the two-timing toad!

UPDATE: Apparently, Kermit the Frog is denying any wrong-doing to People.com (link included). He claims he was merely giving Lady Gaga a ride. Well my friends, Da Nile is not just a river in Egypt.

Brutal Knockout Leads To Scary Face & Weird Dance

Fighter Knocked Out With Epic Face - Watch more Funny Videos

Holy crap! If "Smokey" were in the room, he would have said, "You got knocked the fuck out!" And this, my friends, is why Yours Truly is no longer a Muay Thai Boxer. Not only was the dude out on his feet after the skull-crushing punch, but he also got a nice boot to the chops to send him straight into Exorcist-face.

Damn that is scary!!! It's too bad that he wasn't clobbered again, because he would have shot right past Exorcist-face and into Hulkster mode...you know what happens then!

How Many Imposters Are In The United States?

And the results are...

First Place - Yours Truly!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Second Place - Mr. Leo

HowManyOfMe.com

There are people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Third Place - The Mrs.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Last and certainly not least, especially considering she is the ONLY person with her name in the United States!?!? Is that even possible??? I don't care, because there truly is only one Lil G!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are or fewer people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

The Mrs. loves to dance. She loves to dance so much that she forcing The G to love to dance. Also, for the past 10 years, she's always complaining about how she wants an afro...or is it cornrows...maybe it's dreadlocks. Let's just assume she wants an afro. Well sweetie, I've come through once again!

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Labor Day's WTF Fight Scene!

There are some crazy fight scenes in movies right? Jacky Chan, Jet Li, Van Damme, Keanu Reeves...yeah, I said Keanu Reeves...yes THE Keanue Reeves...whatever, I like The Matrix trilogy. Anyways, I came across this doosy from a movie called "Hard Ticket to Hawaii". Apparently, some bad guys from Sweden or Iceland decide to setup their stronghold in the Aloha state and they don't take kindly to frisbee-toting outsiders who have a keen eye for the ba-dunk-a-dunk. See for yourself...

Guess What This Girl Is Doing?

It's Friday, so I thought a little guessing game might speed up the day. Over to the left is a young lady. For the sake of the game, lets call her "Mandy". Why hello Mandy...whatever are you doing? Mandy wants you to know, but first wants you to guess. What could Mandy be doing? She could be checking her email. She could be looking for a phillips-head screwdriver. She could being mixing her favorite libation before she hits the town with friends. Mandy certainly is doing something...but what?

Have you made a guess yet?


Just scroll down a bit further to reveal what Mandy is up to. In case you were wondering this IS safe for work...I guess.




















Keep going...






























I know, I know...That was your SECOND guess!

Fall Film Preview!

I'm all for summer blockbuster. I love stuff blowing up as much as the next guy. The thing about Summer blockbusters though is that I can pretty much wait until they're out on DVD. There usually is no, "Holy crap I HAVE to pay $18 to see that movie!" The Fall, on the other hand, always seems to bring a handful of films that I'm willing to skip the gym and take an extended lunch-break to see. The Mrs. hates my taste is cinema and there's no way she's allowing me to go the movies on the weekend leaving her with the kids...No Way! Anywho, for those of you who are unaware of upcoming Fall films, here's a little preview of what to start saving your nickles for. You can also click each movie title to go their official site; trailers and other fun stuff.

1) Zombieland (October 2nd) - First off, Woody Harrelson is SO underrated. Cross "Natural Born Killers" with "Shaun of the Dead" and add a little Bill Murray as a zombie. Pure comedic, horror genius.

2) The Road (October 16th) - If you haven't read the book, I highly suggest it; the novel won the Pulitzer for fiction. Post-apocalyptic tale of a father and son traveling, surviving, trying to make sense of the "new" world...searching for hope.

3) Where The Wild Things Are (October 16th) - Beloved children's book. I'm more excited about taking The G to see this rather than Toy Story 1 and 2 (3D). Looks like Spike Jonze has really captured the essence of the book.

4) Boondock Saints 2 (November 1st) - Original cast and they've added Judd Nelson, Peter Fonda and extended scenes with Billy Connolly as the Father "Deuce" MacManus. Love that it's set in Boston. The red band trailer sealed the deal for me. Make sure you're over 18 before watching kids!

Watch Out All You Smelly People!

Honolulu seeking to ban 'BO' on buses - September 2, 2009
HONOLULU --Stinky city bus riders soon could get soaked. The Honolulu City Council is considering a bill that would impose up to a $500 fine and/or up to six months in jail for public transit passengers convicted of being too smelly.

Mr. M.P. most observantly pointed out that it's been too long since my last blog post. Honestly, I've been rather uninspired...until NOW. Seeing how I am a slave to the MBTA, the article above might be the most ingenious proposition in the history of mankind. Monday through Friday, twice a day I am accosted by hordes of stinky people also taking their daily commute.

I'm not just even talking about the bums, like our stinky friend Spare-Change Guy (above). I'm talking about illegal Asians who must figure out how to use a toothbrush. I'm talking about the growing population of Faxon Common Indian folk who must all use "Musty Attic Deodorant"...wait, they DON'T use deodorant?!?! I'm talking about the South Shore's finest who sweat whisky and smell of stale weed at 7:55 a.m., rushing to some Southie dive.

Just like Air Marshals, we should have Public Transit Marshals. Park one of these officers on each Red Line train car and have walk up and down. Hopefully a $500 ticket will help you reassess you personal hygiene. Perhaps 6 months in the clink will compel you pick up a bar of soap...and you better not drop it. Now I know what some of you are going to say...

You certainly do. You have the right to shower OR bathe. You have the right to brush your teeth. You have the right to throw on some Old Spice. And if you don't, you have the right to remain silent. Seems like a no-brainer to me. Bravo to you, Hawaii! Finally you are proving yourself worthy of being one of the 50 states.

Vintage 80's Commercial/PSA

Those Mormons had a nice run of memorable commercials in the 80's. They also had the foresight to cast a pre-Michael Jackson, pre-Silver Spoons, pre-Carlton from Fresh Prince, Alfonso Ribeiro as the inner-city hoodlum with a affinity for show-tunes. The Mormons though must have thought the folks in the 80's were pretty morally corrupt though...all their Public Service Announcements were about telling the truth. Now people in the 80's might have been coke-loving, John Hughes (R.I.P.) watching, Wang-Chunging, fashion-misfits, but it's pretty harsh to assume they were all liars. How come we didn't see any P.S.A. commercials regarding polygamy? Apparently, it's okay to keep a harem of women holed up in your Utah cabin, but you're going to hell if you take off running because your paper route isn't going to cover the costs of some geezers broken window. Thankfully, Alfonso saw the light and decided to live the REAL American dream - Big Macs and monogamous underage relationships!

Virtual Road Rage Solution?

This almost makes me want to get an iPhone. Knowing myself though I'd totally abuse this iPhone application. I'd be whipping it out on the Red Line, in the office, at my grandmother's 85 birthday party...I'd be virtually killing everyone.

Greatest Picture Of All Time?

I want this picture framed and hanging in Leo's room for the next 18 years! No wonder Wilt the Stilt bedded all those women...look at the company he keeps and check out those fancy duds.

What Do Larry Bird's Jersey & Yours Truly Have In Common?

The number 33. I'm actually finding it hard to believe that I'm this old. I look at old pictures of my uncles and they look more like "adults" at 28 than I do at 33. They say that our 30's are the NEW 20's. I guess that despite my age, I still actually feel young. Hell, I've been married almost 7 years, I have two pissah kids (one of which is 4), so I should look and feel like a walking corpse at 33 right? It's quite the opposite, which I suppose comes with it's drawbacks. The Mrs. seems to get quite annoyed when I'm rough-housing with the G or throwing myself all over the soccer pitch, only to come home battered and bruised. It's not even like I'm trying to hold onto any fleeting moments of irresponsible youth. I KNOW I can't hang like I used to. I've got 2 jobs to maintain, 2 kids to entertain and the damn grass isn't gonna cut itself.

This makes me wonder how I'm going to feel at 40...or 50...or 60? My grandparents are in their 80's kicking it in Florida, playing golf everyday. I can do that! Bottom line is that life is moving at break-neck speed and I'm enjoying the ride. I see too many miserable people, living miserable lives and you know what happens...they have a heart attack, then sayonara. Fuck That! I feel just fine that I still get carded...for scratch tickets. I'm glad I bust my ass to stay in shape...yes, that means extra chest. I know Death doesn't discriminate, but I'm not going to make it easy. My other grandmother (not the one in Florida) has smoked cigarettes and drank everyday for the last 60 or so years and she's not slowing down at 85. Based on my figures, I should at least clear the century mark and that's still 67 years away.

So Happy Birthday to me and "Thanks" to my friends for all my birthday wishes. The way I see it, I'm like a fine wine (not the type that comes in a box - although it's still delicious!), I'm only getting better with age. In fact, you look into a crystal ball 67 years from now and this is what you'll see:

The Gun Show Still Going Strong!

What Is More Scary???

Heath Ledger as The Joker


OR...

Christian Bale as The Joker???


Apparently, Mr. Bale has emaciated himself to play Dicky Eklund in Marky Mark's upcoming film, "The Fighter". It seems that Dicky Eklund fancies the crack and meth...who would have thought of someone who was known as "The Pride of Lowell"?

90's Sitcom Supporting Character Chick

So last night The Mrs. and I are settling down for some Box-O and T.V. before bed. Apparently, after "Hell's Kitchen" there is officially nothing on, unless you want to watch Fox's newest reality show "More To Love". On a side note to the "More To Love" producers - I know pleasantly plump men and women deserve love too, but do we really need a show that's a cross between Rock-of-Love and the Biggest Loser. Of the 20 women "contestants", none of which weighed less than 250lbs, 18 of them made out with lonely chubby guy in the first episode. Come on...this guy obviously isn't Bret Michaels... not even the Bret Michaels of fat guys!

The Mrs. decided upon a show called "The Dish". "The Dish" is basically "Talk Soup" without as much funny commentary from the host/hostess. The hostess of "The Dish" started our late night controversy. Immediately upon seeing the hostess, I stated, "Hey! That's Topanga from "Boy Meets World!" To which The Mrs. replied, "Yeah and she was the best friend on "Blossom." HOLD THE PHONE! Despite my desperate pleas that these were completely different actresses, The Mrs. wouldn't back down. It must be a female thing, but when you're a mid-teen male in the 90's, you know the difference between Danielle Fishel's "Topanga" and Jenna Von Oy's "Six LeMeure". Normally with The Mrs. I would silently agree to disagree, but such a transgression can not be ignored. My only other guess is because of the interesting character names that they get lumped together, but come on these are clearly different women, right???

SIX (90's Version and Current Version):

TOPANGA (90's Version and Current Version):

Amusement Park Legacy

This upcoming weekend I'm taking The Fam on a road trip. We're waking up early on Saturday, packing up the Mariner and heading North. Our traditional summer weekend jaunt down to the polo matches in Portsmouth, RI has been replaced with The White Mountains of New Hampshire. We're going to brave the Kangamangus Highway. We're going to risk run-in's with wild moose, deer or hippies on their way to Saco River. Yes, we're taking the kids to Storyland.

To be honest, I didn't even know what the hell Storyland was up until a couple years ago. You see, when I was a youth, we didn't have to travel such a perilous journey to indulge and Pre-K fun. All anyone on the South Shore had to do in the early 80's is just jump on good-ole' Route 18 and head down to Whitman. There you would find KING'S CASTLE LAND!

Apparently in an age before trademark infringement, King's Castle Land was the one place a kid could go to hang with Yogi Bear, the 7 dwarfs, King Kong, Frankenstein, the 3 Little Pigs, Alfred E. Newman and a slew of other Disney, Hanna Barbera, random licensed characters. Thinking back, I'm sure at any point one of the "rides" could have lost a bolt and sent a child plummeting to their death, but I think that added to the adventure. There were fire-breathing dragons and Paul Bunyan...it was a complete mish-mash of crap the owners believed would keep the kids coming...and we did. To top it all off, instead of a chincy gift shop, King's Castle Land had a full blown toy store that put Child World to shame.

Now that the G is 4.25 years old, it is her turn to experience the rite of passage that is out-dated cheap amusement park fun. Unfortunately for King's Castle Land, it was closed and torn down starting around 1994...now it's a Super Stop & Shop complete with gas pumps (I cringe every time I fill up the car there). Hopefully she is old enough where she'll retain the memories that surely will come from this trip. Maybe one day, when G has children of her own and I am living out the good life in Florida minus the Mrs. (god rest her soul), she'll be able to partake in such an expedition. I also assume that by then The Disney Corporation will have finally taken over the United States and the Shore Shore Plaza will be replaced with Disney New England. I actually started a savings account for the entrance fee. I figure by then that a family of four can get into the park for roughly $3,500.