Watch Out All You Smelly People!

Honolulu seeking to ban 'BO' on buses - September 2, 2009
HONOLULU --Stinky city bus riders soon could get soaked. The Honolulu City Council is considering a bill that would impose up to a $500 fine and/or up to six months in jail for public transit passengers convicted of being too smelly.

Mr. M.P. most observantly pointed out that it's been too long since my last blog post. Honestly, I've been rather uninspired...until NOW. Seeing how I am a slave to the MBTA, the article above might be the most ingenious proposition in the history of mankind. Monday through Friday, twice a day I am accosted by hordes of stinky people also taking their daily commute.

I'm not just even talking about the bums, like our stinky friend Spare-Change Guy (above). I'm talking about illegal Asians who must figure out how to use a toothbrush. I'm talking about the growing population of Faxon Common Indian folk who must all use "Musty Attic Deodorant"...wait, they DON'T use deodorant?!?! I'm talking about the South Shore's finest who sweat whisky and smell of stale weed at 7:55 a.m., rushing to some Southie dive.

Just like Air Marshals, we should have Public Transit Marshals. Park one of these officers on each Red Line train car and have walk up and down. Hopefully a $500 ticket will help you reassess you personal hygiene. Perhaps 6 months in the clink will compel you pick up a bar of soap...and you better not drop it. Now I know what some of you are going to say...

You certainly do. You have the right to shower OR bathe. You have the right to brush your teeth. You have the right to throw on some Old Spice. And if you don't, you have the right to remain silent. Seems like a no-brainer to me. Bravo to you, Hawaii! Finally you are proving yourself worthy of being one of the 50 states.