What Is More Scary???

Heath Ledger as The Joker


OR...

Christian Bale as The Joker???


Apparently, Mr. Bale has emaciated himself to play Dicky Eklund in Marky Mark's upcoming film, "The Fighter". It seems that Dicky Eklund fancies the crack and meth...who would have thought of someone who was known as "The Pride of Lowell"?

90's Sitcom Supporting Character Chick

So last night The Mrs. and I are settling down for some Box-O and T.V. before bed. Apparently, after "Hell's Kitchen" there is officially nothing on, unless you want to watch Fox's newest reality show "More To Love". On a side note to the "More To Love" producers - I know pleasantly plump men and women deserve love too, but do we really need a show that's a cross between Rock-of-Love and the Biggest Loser. Of the 20 women "contestants", none of which weighed less than 250lbs, 18 of them made out with lonely chubby guy in the first episode. Come on...this guy obviously isn't Bret Michaels... not even the Bret Michaels of fat guys!

The Mrs. decided upon a show called "The Dish". "The Dish" is basically "Talk Soup" without as much funny commentary from the host/hostess. The hostess of "The Dish" started our late night controversy. Immediately upon seeing the hostess, I stated, "Hey! That's Topanga from "Boy Meets World!" To which The Mrs. replied, "Yeah and she was the best friend on "Blossom." HOLD THE PHONE! Despite my desperate pleas that these were completely different actresses, The Mrs. wouldn't back down. It must be a female thing, but when you're a mid-teen male in the 90's, you know the difference between Danielle Fishel's "Topanga" and Jenna Von Oy's "Six LeMeure". Normally with The Mrs. I would silently agree to disagree, but such a transgression can not be ignored. My only other guess is because of the interesting character names that they get lumped together, but come on these are clearly different women, right???

SIX (90's Version and Current Version):

TOPANGA (90's Version and Current Version):

Amusement Park Legacy

This upcoming weekend I'm taking The Fam on a road trip. We're waking up early on Saturday, packing up the Mariner and heading North. Our traditional summer weekend jaunt down to the polo matches in Portsmouth, RI has been replaced with The White Mountains of New Hampshire. We're going to brave the Kangamangus Highway. We're going to risk run-in's with wild moose, deer or hippies on their way to Saco River. Yes, we're taking the kids to Storyland.

To be honest, I didn't even know what the hell Storyland was up until a couple years ago. You see, when I was a youth, we didn't have to travel such a perilous journey to indulge and Pre-K fun. All anyone on the South Shore had to do in the early 80's is just jump on good-ole' Route 18 and head down to Whitman. There you would find KING'S CASTLE LAND!

Apparently in an age before trademark infringement, King's Castle Land was the one place a kid could go to hang with Yogi Bear, the 7 dwarfs, King Kong, Frankenstein, the 3 Little Pigs, Alfred E. Newman and a slew of other Disney, Hanna Barbera, random licensed characters. Thinking back, I'm sure at any point one of the "rides" could have lost a bolt and sent a child plummeting to their death, but I think that added to the adventure. There were fire-breathing dragons and Paul Bunyan...it was a complete mish-mash of crap the owners believed would keep the kids coming...and we did. To top it all off, instead of a chincy gift shop, King's Castle Land had a full blown toy store that put Child World to shame.

Now that the G is 4.25 years old, it is her turn to experience the rite of passage that is out-dated cheap amusement park fun. Unfortunately for King's Castle Land, it was closed and torn down starting around 1994...now it's a Super Stop & Shop complete with gas pumps (I cringe every time I fill up the car there). Hopefully she is old enough where she'll retain the memories that surely will come from this trip. Maybe one day, when G has children of her own and I am living out the good life in Florida minus the Mrs. (god rest her soul), she'll be able to partake in such an expedition. I also assume that by then The Disney Corporation will have finally taken over the United States and the Shore Shore Plaza will be replaced with Disney New England. I actually started a savings account for the entrance fee. I figure by then that a family of four can get into the park for roughly $3,500.

Can This Possibly Be Real?

Note To All The Superfriends: You know when I said that I'd take a bullet for you...well, I didn't mention anything about an arrow.

This can't be real, right? I know folks in the US are pretty conservative compared to other countries. I mean, for the most part our women shave their legs and armpits. The men have the courtesy of NOT wearing a speedo at the beach. I think this goes way beyond any cultural differences we have with other countries. If someone suggested doing a stunt like this on "America's Got Talent" it would definitely be shot down right (no pun intended)? If it is real, then these guys MUST have had some cocktails before the audition to calm the nerves. How about arrow-shooter-guy continuing to aim to his victim when he went to get the can off the desk? You're telling me the shooter is so focused that his fingers couldn't slip and nail that blond chick right between her hairy pits?

Facial Tattoo Leads To Arrest

TAMPA - It wasn't particularly hard for the victims of a Riverview home invasion to identify the burglar. He was the only one with an outline of the state of Florida tattooed on his face, authorities say.

In addition to the Florida tattoo, Sean Roberts also has the words "Crazy Cracker" written or tattooed on his head, Hillsborough County sheriff's spokesman J.D. Callaway said.

There was a time when the Mrs. desperately wanted to move to Florida. We had just returned from a week-long vacation at my parent's home in Fort Pierce, and I think the climate change caused her to snap. In some respects I don't blame her. Snow sucks, shoveling snow blows, and raking leaves...well, I don't rake leaves; they don't keep me from getting places.

The thing the Mrs. failed to realize is that living in Florida is WAY different than visiting Florida, unless you are my grandparents who golf everyday. Florida is the state you go to when you just say fuck it all. Floridians are either retired transplants or potential criminals. Take "Crazy Cracker" for instance. He wouldn't be able to hack Massachusetts living. If he tried to rob anyone 12 years or older from the Greater Boston Area, his ass would get a beatdown. He probably wouldn't even make it out of Logan without getting his ass whupped for tattooing Florida on his face. In fact, I bet this would be the kid to do it...


Now I'm no criminal mastermind, but maybe "Crazy Cracker" would be a better burgler if he spent a winter up here shoveling my driveway. At the very least he'd learn what a ski mask was.

You Make My Dreams Come True!

I'm probably the last person who has heard of the internet phenomenon that is Keyboard Cat, but I have to say that I can't get enough. Perhaps it's because I'm a cat lover. Googling Keyboard Cat will pull up thousands of hits, mostly containing video blunders that result in Keyboard Cat's mocking tune. The mash-up above of Keyboard Cat/Hall & Oates takes it to a new level. Keyboard Cat is the missing link to that 80's pop duo. Don't get me wrong, Hall & Oates were no schlubs, but imagine how many more records they would have sold if Keyboard Cat was a full-time contributor.

Speaking of mash-up's...I happen to be fan. I enjoy watching how someone interprets seemly opposite things and creates something fun and new. Have you seen "The Shining" made out to be a fun family film? Gold! I have to admit though, this latest mash-up I've stumbled upon kind of creeps me out. I'm not sure if it's from Rick Astley's dance moves or the fact that the two songs work so well together. I'll let you be the judge...

Stop...Vader Time!

Damn! Darth Vader has got some moves. I would have thought being a cyborg would have some drawbacks in the getting-down department. He must use some serious WD-40 on those joints. Also, he must be using some Jedi mind trick on the Stormtroopers. Everyone knows that Stormtroopers are a bunch of cloned buffoons who can't stay keep out of each other's way, let alone inanimate objects.

The fact that Vader is such a big M.C. Hammer fan makes complete sense. Hammer has got Dark Side written all over him and his rise/fall is eerily similar to the rise/fall of the Empire.

Peanuts! Get Ya Peanuts Here!

There was an old SNL sketch involving Mike Myers called "Coffee Talk with Linda Richman". Every episode while "Linda" was busy being "verklempt", she would give the audience a topic to discuss. My personal favorite? "A peanut is neither a pea nor a nut...Discuss."

To some this statement may seem riduculous; of course a peanut is a nut. That's what the peanut WANTS you to believe. In fact, a peanut is actually a legume. Another fun fact about a legume, or in this case a peanut, is that it's considered a fruit. "Like hell", you say, but it's true. That PB & J you had for lunch? Fruit on fruit...that's double the fruit! Not to mention that peanuts pack in tons of protein, amino acids and Omega-3's. Think about that next time your at a Sox game. You can eat all the peanuts you want and when some dude says, "Hey, that's your 4th bag of peanuts!" You can tell him, "Have another hot dog, fatty! I'm eating some fruit to support a healthy diet." Just make sure he doesn't see the 8 empty beer cups at your feet.

So why all this information regarding peanuts? Well, anyone who knows THIS guy, knows that I freaking love peanuts. Even at a early age I would eat the MOST peanuts; shell and all. "What? You eat the shell?!?" Damn skippy (get it?)! I wouldn't eat the shells alone, but there's something delicious about the shell matched with the peanuts. I like to think that's it's upping my fiber intake...you can never get enough fiber. Now with any addiction there comes some pesky obstacles that may or may not get you into some hot-water...one of which inspired this blog.

1) They're messy - Most normal people crack the shell open and eat the inner peanuts. Cracking the the shell and disposing of the shell can create quite a mess. Check out the floor next time you go to the Texas Roadhouse...those aren't cockroaches under every step you take.

2) Peanut allergies can KILL YOU - I thought that peanut love was heredity, so when I gave (2-month old) Leo a little taste of peanut butter, I was flabbergasted at the scolding a received from The Mrs. Thus, peanut addicts with peanut allegies tend to have short life-spans.

3) Peanuts are easily contaminated - One word: Salmonella! If you got all day to hang out on the crapper with chills and diarrhea, then grab a 5lb bag of expired peanuts and dig in!

Normally, I pretty much in the clear when it comes to the above three obstacles. I eat a lot of shells, eliminating most of the mess, I'm not dead yet, and I check the date on the bag of peanuts that I'm consuming. If a bad nut sneaks in, well that's out of my control and I'll fully accept the gut-wrenching mess that's to come. So, when I come into work today and see that someone has left me what APPEARS to be a delicious bag of Bazzini's Fresh Roasted Peanuts, I'm immediately suspicious. One quick check of the expiration dates shows "April 21, 2009"...almost 3 months past due! Is it obvious to you now what has prompted this blog???

Someone is trying to kill me...or at the very least, cause me severe digestive discomfort. Curse you phantom peanut person! You shall rue the day you attempted to poison me with tainted peanuts...Forbidden Fruit, if you will!

JOWLS!

I'm sure The Nits will appreciate this.

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I'm Back!

We'll thank Mr. Perrone for the inspiration. Bottom line is that I'm always complaining when someone else doesn't update their blog, yet it's been almost 2 years since I've updated mine. Well today I'm going to stop being a hypocrite...until the novelty wears off again.

Here's a quick rundown of the last (almost) two years. I owned a house, rented the house, lost the house...it happened, I feel shitty about it, I learned a valuable lesson about it: Don't make hasty decisions without REALLY considering consequences.

I got promoted at the firm! I'm fortunate to work in a positive environment, with positive people. I'd tell you about what I do, but right now I'm the only one who does it for all 13 offices and I like that type of job security. I'd tell you, you'd tell your friends and everyone would know how to do my job. Pretty soon I'd be replaced with a monkey. I have a secondary job - Tennessee's BBQ (in Braintree). True story, we've converted vegans back to carnivores...the food is THAT good!

I knocked up the Mrs...First try...My guys don't mess around...That's why I have to get fixed.


I can't be sad though, because the Mrs. and I welcomed Leo William on May 11th. I forget what generation I am, 12th, 14th (it's up there) and all thanks to yours truly we're keeping the B-Train rolling! The little guy has been added to the cast of characters, and shall now be a reoccurring blog feature. He's sleeping through the night, smiles, yells when he's hungry and is getting pretty good at dodging the G's flying knees, elbows, headbutts; among other things.



Other than that, all the Superfriends are intact. Some are homeowners, some are living together, some are engaged, some have new additions (dogs) and all doing their thing. Our lovely New England weather has put a damper on some social outings the summer usually provides, but hopefully we'll all get together soon...Beach anyone?



My goal is going to be a blog per day. Could be big, could be small, but it's better than nothing. I'm going to have to ask Mr. Perrone how he finagled a survey, because I've got loads of questions I'd like to get your opinions on. My hope is that everyone makes a point to check back daily to see what I conjure up. Let the good time roll!